WhalesHaveFeelingsTo

Nicole

1 Watcher12 Deviations

2.2K

Pageviews

Latest Deviations

See all

I prefer fiction over truth by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

I prefer fiction over truth

Sometimes, I think I'd rather be hopeless than optimistic. The optimistic of believing that things will always work out, I mean. Just because then it doesn't hurt so bad when they don't. I think being hopeless is almost a relief in some ways. Being hopeless means there are no let downs, and I think, in some ways, that makes it worth the sadness that comes with it. I don't think there is anything worse then really being happy or excited about something, and then having it not work out as you had hoped. I'm beginning to recognize one of my own not-so-pretty qualities. I half-ass everything. Honestly, I really can't even remember the last time

'I'm okay, I promise.' by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

'I'm okay, I promise.'

But you were never really okay, were you? You just always knew how to fake a smile and had trained your lip to absentmindedly mouth 'it's nothing' every time something goes wrong. You just always knew how to take whatever was bugging you and store it way back in the depths of your mind, just so you could analyze it later when you're alone. And that's because it's only when you're alone do you feel like it's okay to cry. It's really no wonder why you can't fall asleep at night. And sometimes, I get so mad at you. I just want to scream "pleasepleasepleasetalktome" or "I'm your best friend you're allowed to tell

It's raining today and.... by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

It's raining today and....

It's raining today. It's raining for the first time in a months and i can hear the thump thump thump on my rooftop. My words feel heavy and sticky in my mouth. I feel like they're falling out of me. It's raining today and my whole town is terrified of mudslides because, apparently, there's a decent sized chance that due to the fires a few months back nothing is stopping the whole mountain from coming down, and taking everything with it. I'm not worried though. To be honest, i kinda like the idea of having to start completely over. It's raining

mental disorders by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

mental disorders

Sometimes, I wish I had a mental disorder. Because… Maybe then I could write something beautifully disheartening. (and maybe I could be known somehow, or at least feel special, different... something.) And also, I wouldn’t have to explain myself whenever I got moody. (I could simply blame it on the chemical in balance in my brain.) Too bad… not all of us are fortunate enough to experience that luxury.

JEALOUSY by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

JEALOUSY

I hate it when you kiss him. I hate how he makes you so happy. I hate it every time you say you miss him or tell me how cute or perfect he is. And I apologize best friend. I’m sorry I’m such a bitter person. I’m sorry I can’t be happy for you two. I’m sorry I search for a reason to hate him. And, I’m sorry about all these goddamn flaws that seem to cling to me. And about how I panic every time you smile at each other because I feel like maybe you will end up loving him and that makes me feel: replaced and unimportant and pathetic. (I guess I just still love you… it’d probably be a go

Really Random Freewrite... by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

Really Random Freewrite...

July 28, 2009. 9:08 pm. Dunsmore Park I decided I want to start over again. Completely and totally over... hi journal. my name is nicole. i saw some videos earlier from when i was a baby, my mom says i was wonderful. that made me smile. a lot of little things make me happy... like colorful pens and yellow flowers and grass and lamposts and trying to fix broken people. (a lot of things can make me randomly sad too, like tall buildings and everytime i break promises to people) i enjoy being brutally honest. i hate hurting people. i tend to contradict everything i say. i tend to conform into everything i'm not. but i suppose

Searching for Strength by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

Searching for Strength

Once upon a time my parents fought a lot. It wasn’t too big of a deal, but people overheard and it ended up blowing up so child services got involved and decided that me and my two brothers needed to be taken away. What ended up happening is my grandma got custody for about 6 months, then everything was sorted out and my family was restored. Happily ever after. I was eleven years old and my dad had told me that if not for my grandparents I would have been sent to foster care. I remember it almost sounded appealing in a way. I would get to meet and live with a ton of kids. It seemed almost like a summer camp to me. My dad distorte

i remember my first love... by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

i remember my first love...

I remember the first time we hung out, a little over two years ago now. I remember laughing and making a million jokes. (we were at Carl’s Jr. and you dared me to smear ranch dressing all over my face and then ask the manager for more… I did it and we were kicked out) And then I remember staying up until six in the morning discussing our opinions on abortion. I remember it exactly. You were pro choice completely, but you didn’t think that you personally would do it.

Untitled by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

Untitled

It seems like everyday I'm just slipping away Loosing myself to the world around me It's like I'm screaming and dying But my pain, my worries, my fears are so well hidden So well hidden to the world around me It's like everywhere I look someone is screaming Behind their perfectly composed mask Their weak laughter and pretend smiles Keeps people from questioning their fake happiness They are so limited in their own depression They only see their pain And how it kills me, it kills me As I walk outside into the world I try to understand I look around, I try to feel their pain I judge, I assume, I hate myself for it But I can see t

BOY by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

BOY

A boy who laughs; A boy who breathes A boy who loves; A boy who bleeds How could you? Steal away his life Let it be known, you had absolutely no right. A boy. So very much like you and I With dreams and desires; who can hurt and cry A boy. With a heart of love to give A boy. With a life ahead of him to live. A boy, whom others grew intolerant of Simple because of whom he chooses to love A boy, who knows the pain of shallowness A boy, who only asked for acceptance. On October 7, 1998 a life forever ceased to exist A boy, tied to a fence, beaten alive with a bare fist A boy, gone forever by those who could not understand His

See All

Featured Gallery

See all

I prefer fiction over truth by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

I prefer fiction over truth

'I'm okay, I promise.' by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

'I'm okay, I promise.'

Realizations by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

Realizations

What do you do when everyone seems so content in his or her own life? When you're suffering and scared, turning to pills or the blade of a knife How can you live with this sadness that seems to have no end And every little wound makes your heart shatter, break, and bend Then, everyone just expects you to be so picture perfect and strong Even though, you have been holding on and trying for so long And now you are past that and just trying to keep from giving up You learn everyday how life is not smooth and easy, but jagged and rough Then, it dawns on you, that everyone is exactly the same Everyone hurts and cries, then looks for someo

A Family Dinner by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

A Family Dinner

We all crowd around the dining room table Mouths watering, hands silently creeping towards The food, Dad scolds us, tells us to wait And Mom says to pray to thank God For this wonderful meal given to us. So we all hold hands, bow our heads And say a quick prayer, then Every asks to everyone else To pass the food around as we Eat, silently for everyone’s mouth Is full. You look around, you’d think The picture perfect family. The father, at the head of the table, Making jokes, playfully teasing his sons His anger, that so scares us all Spurting out so spontaneously Is hidden to the world surrounding us In this per

BOY by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

BOY

Untitled by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

Untitled

i remember my first love... by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

i remember my first love...

Searching for Strength by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

Searching for Strength

Really Random Freewrite... by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

Really Random Freewrite...

JEALOUSY by WhalesHaveFeelingsTo, literature

Literature

JEALOUSY

Watchers 1

oldiemachine

Watching 1

estallidos

Collection

Favourites

See all

THREE DAYS FROM NOW by foxthepoet, literature

Literature

THREE DAYS FROM NOW

for Daniela Jara's 20th birthday on 6.21.04 three days from now she will rise up to the playground of angels fighter jets and zeppelins burst open the door translate her body into an equation of one–hundred twenty pounds moving nine–point–eight meters per second per second and tumble from heaven because she wants to taste the sky on her birthday this is the part of the poem where I should drop metaphors about falling in love with her or how she's already fallen from heaven once or something about shooting stars or glass ceilings but this isn't a love poem I said I would fall alongside her stretch out fingers to find her fa

What My Mother Doesn't Know by ChastitySeed, literature

Literature

What My Mother Doesn't Know

I. There is a train station, ten miles from here Where if you were to pay for a ticket and wait until the last— Very last— Train arrived; it would take you wherever you wanted to go. I wanted it to take me to the end of the earth And hopefully, it would drive right over the edge Into nothingness. Thinking about suicide Is different from considering it. I’ve thought about it, Driving in that damn car down the long dirt road to home Where it ends with a steep hill that goes straight down to a Dead end And barbed wire fence. Wondering how it would feel if the car kept Going Drove through a fencepost That drove th

Schizoaffectivia. by sirenseranade11, literature

Literature

Schizoaffectivia.

1. It’s hard to talk to you without my hands shaking and my laugh coming out all wrong because you see everything and nothing and I don’t know what flaw you’re going to pick up on today. Yesterday it was my raw fingernails and my free broken skin. “Cait, you’re destroying your hands, are you trying to hurt yourself?” And I laugh and deny it and wait until you’re not looking, to sit on my hands and hide the destruction. 3. You tell me you want to help those who are hurting, and talk to the people who need help, but you’re never one to find the beauty in a broken thing, only th

-to bring you in- by xxcrashgirlxx, literature

Literature

-to bring you in-

When I fell on my anxiety like knees and I bruised the bones of dignity with black and yellow grass-marks I looked up to you and saw ships in your eyes, eyes that were losing their purple hue. I sidestepped a land mine and called your name but what came out was, ahoycaptainicebergaheadbutyoudon’tcare— You don’t care (because somewhere in there, you’re already dead). You’re running from something neither of us can see, but perhaps I know it better than you do because you saved me from it once. It’s got wings feathered in every mistake you’ve ever made and its talons are ready to tear you open

My Saturday Night by loosenyourheart, literature

Literature

My Saturday Night

1. who are we, anyways, to be driving in my red fast car down my alley, taking polaroids of each other and hoping my parents aren't home. who are we, to park where no one can see us and run behind my house, unlock the doors to find ourselves alone. what kind of adoration flickers behind our peach flesh, what bravery hums into the deep recesses of our already shucked hearts. there is nothing more to us than sneaking into houses and pulling our clothes off on my parent's bed, nothing more than gripping the headrest and hoping that no one hears. 2. i am confused and you are sleepy already, right before i kissed you i asked, "did y

When, When by InShiningArmor, literature

Literature

When, When

It’s like when you ran over my cat last December and I said it was okay but it really wasn’t and you tighten your grip on my arm and I don’t care anymore because, fuck, it was just a cat right? Or when we went bowling and I pulled sevens and nines all night and you bowled strike after strike after golden strike and I swear you were immaculate and floating when you jumped victorious and I sat by the score sheet and all the powers of man and nature and beast and god were barely able to keep my head up and my eyes focused on the ocular feast, the glory of you. And when we were walking home after the movies and the wind blew acer

it's not just the leaves by Overfinite, literature

Literature

it's not just the leaves

last autumn i spent an entire afternoon on my back in the grass waiting for a falling leaf to drift downwards into my open palm. i was convinced that there was something special about being the first to hold on to something that had never touched the ground. i pulled my eyes shut and tried to make a wish but when i opened them it was spring again and i had forgotten how to believe in something that was heading towards the ground anyway.

Fifteen Things by xxcrashgirlxx, literature

Literature

Fifteen Things

1. I lied about never getting in trouble in school; once I was in a time out in kindergarten-- I never said so, but you already knew. 2. I don't think I ever lived my life without the hidden motive to hurt myself. 3. Once and a while, I pretend I'm still alive. 4. I make myself talk when he does even though my mouth feels glued shut. It hurts to let myself breathe deep after the words take my air. 5. I'd rather be hyper-aware than unaware. That's why the blood wins over drugs. The endorphins work better than hallucinogenics ever will. 6. I don't think I know what love means anymore. Maybe I never really did. I

About WhalesHaveFeelingsTo

See all

Artist // Literature

Jan 14
United States
Deviant for 14 years
She / Her

Badges

My Bio

akgjeoriaghjaoikjbaihgo;jgioejvoiahokbhjeoriahbijavkidejhofia

<3

Favourite Visual Artist

Banksy

Favourite Movies

Candy, The Dead Girl, Gypsy 83, Rent

Favourite Writers

Augusten Burroughs

Other Interests

Thinking...

Posts

See all

WhalesHaveFeelingsTo

Sep 21, 2010

be my friend.

0 min read

as a few of you may have noticed, i really don't use deviantart anymore. BUT i do have a new blog that i'm super dooper excited about: flyawaysun.wordpress.com so, please, i would be delighted to have more readers. :D and if you have anything that you would like more people to read, show it to me, i enjoy reading other peoples' blogs, poetry, prose, stories, etc. some of my favorite writers, i have found on the internet. you can email me at: nicolehalaszynski@yahoo.com (: (also, read my friend's work, he TRULY is fucking amazing: manicoyotesirens.wordpress.com )

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

WhalesHaveFeelingsTo

Oct 22, 2009

Good Day, :]

0 min read

Three good things happened today... it made me smile. :] 1. My dog was bleeding out of her *ahem* private areas, so my 15 year old brother asked me with a look of complete concerned and worried look on his face, "Do dogs get periods?"  (turns out they basically do by the way, but i never knew and my brothers face had been priceless) 2. My mom took me to get ice cream at our Rite Aid.  I couldn't decide between pistachio, black cherry, and strawberry cheesecake.  so i asked the worker guy there which one i should get.  instead of telling me, he just gives me a scoop of each, smiles and charges me for a single scoop. I felt pretty. teheh

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

WhalesHaveFeelingsTo

Jul 27, 2009

Devious Journal Entry

0 min read

I feel really low right now. It's summer and I feel like I'm spending everynight alone. But then again, I can think of a million reasons why no one would not to spend an evening with me. And I'm really disliking my family right now. My asshole brothers, my stressed out mom(whom I love so very much) and my alcoholic father (who always looks so angry). They are all starting to get to me. I am beginning to notice that I'm growing to be very like my father. Impatience lunges onto me like a parasite. I always want to get out of the room because I always need some fucking air. I always need to lie to myself to get out of being